Burnt Pasta

September 03, 2024

Burnt Pasta

The feeling of looking out the window of our plane and seeing the beautiful mountains and the town of Rurre with weird trees and landscapes knowing that this would be where my life unfolds for the next 8 months was absolutely crazy. Saying that I was excited would be an understatement.

When we first landed in Rurre, we got our luggage and were all put in this dump truck kinda thing with all our luggage and road into town. We drove into town all standing in the back of this truck with all our luggage and I remember just looking around and soaking it all in. The town truly is beautiful basically surrounded by interesting-looking mountains, exotic trees, the Beni River flowing through it, and wonderful people. Oh and also these incredible little taxi things with three wheels called taritos. We eventually made it to town and stopped to walk around and explore a little bit before we headed to Familia Feliz. I remember one of the first things I was thinking to myself was how friendly the people were. Rurre truly is one of the most special places and instantly had me captivated.

What is Familia Feliz?

I have just realized as I write this that I haven't really explained what Familia Feliz is. So Familia Feliz is a boarding school for at-risk children in rural Bolivia. The main goal of Familia Feliz is to be a refuge and a family for orphaned, abused, and neglected children. They provide them with a Christian education and create an environment where they can feel loved and hopefully have a sense of real family. All of the kids here have come from dangerous or difficult backgrounds and homelives. And the part that I get to play in this is that I get to be a houseparent for one of the houses of kids called "The Guerreros" which is mostly the older boys. Basically, I need to take care of the basic needs of the kids like cooking for them and getting them ready for school along with the bigger goal of showing them the love of Christ which many of them haven't grown up knowing.

Arrival!!

After exploring Rurre we hopped back in the truck and headed towards Familia Feliz. Now I know that I've said the feeling of landing here in Rurre was pretty crazy, but pulling up to the gate of Familia Feliz to be met but tons of smiling kids hopping on the back of the truck was on a whole other level. The very instant I went through that gate, I fell in love. This was it. I don't really know what I was expecting, but those kids instantly sold me on this place. We stopped by the Guerreros and I hopped off with all my stuff and was swarmed by the younger boys and bombarded with questions in Spanish by the older ones. I couldn't help but smile at these incredible boys, but I also felt frighteningly overwhelmed by the amount of Spanish I was hearing. I wanted to talk so bad. But I knew that it would come with time.

Failure is Ok?

Ok, so I've got a lot to pack into this blog because I've been slacking a wee bit. I've just been wanting to take the time to "get used" to things here if that's even a possibility. So this post might be a little bit longer than it will be in the future I think...maybe. Who knows. So at the time of writing this, I've been at Familia Feliz (FF) for 2 weeks and I've got a few stories I want to share most of them having to do with failure because oh boy have I had a lot of that.

Now I'm sure that you are wondering about the title of this article. When I was thinking about all the uncomfortable things about coming here to Bolivia I went down the list mentally preparing myself. I knew there would be crazy creatures like tarantulas, I knew there would be super hot days, I knew that I wouldn't fully know the language, and I knew that I would have to cook. I thought out of all of those things Spanish would be the most stressful/difficult part for me, but it was cooking. I have basically never cooked before unless you count "cold cereal and maybe toast" (quoting Charlie Brown). I was not ready to cook for 14 boys. Granted I had Matthew, another SM who had arrived there three weeks before me, to help me out and teach me but still, talk about uncomfortable. I remember one day I was making pasta for the boys and I guess I didn't stir it enough or something because when Matthew and I went to try it we both couldn't even finish it. In that moment for the first time I had been there (not the last), I had felt like had failed the kids. They lined up got their food and still ate it, they just didn't come back for seconds for sure. If you read my first post, you would know kinda where I was at when I started my journey before I made it here to Familia Feliz. I knew that I couldn't do this on my own. But in that first week, my mindset started to shift to I have to be perfect for them and that they need me to show them how to live life in a Christ-like way. I started walking backward and asked God for my life back. Know I look back and think, "Man, that really wasn't that big of a deal. It was just one meal."

But at that moment I was at a low point. As I sat there kinda down, one of the boys came up to me and said, "Teacher, you need to learn how to cook. Let me cook with you."

For me in that moment, that was so encouraging for me. Yeah, I got roasted for my cooking, but the fact that he wanted to teach me meant a lot and showed me that it wasn't just God or the other SM's that I could count on. I was literally a part of a family in the Guerreros and I saw that in the boy's response that we are all here for each other. It is true that I need to try to be a kind of father figure in their lives, but that doesn't mean I can't ask them for help every once in a while. I learned that failure is OK and necessary even. I have learned the most from my greatest failures.

We ended up cooking the next few meals together and It was a great chance to get to know him. I can now say that I can cook pasta without burning it as well as make a couple of things like arroz con huevos (rice with eggs), arepas, and more. However, I still have A LOT to learn.

Unseen Trauma

Vespers had just ended and I let the boys hang out a little bit longer while Matthew went back to the house to check on supper. As it was about time to go I started rounding up the boys and sending them to the house to start eating. Let me tell you, this is quite a hassle. For some reason, all of the boys like to go crazy after vespers and run around everywhere which makes it extremely difficult to get them to go back home. After quite some time, I finally get everyone on their way back to the house, but there is still one kid who has an exceptional amount of energy. I looked back as I was walking to the house and saw him wrestling with another boy from a different house. I called out his name to stop because it was time for supper, but he wouldn't listen. I was honestly getting a little frustrated because I had already repeatedly told him it was time for supper. So I called his name again but this time with more strength in my voice. Immediately he stopped. I thought to myself, "Finally, he listened to me..."

But this was different. He stood up and just stared off blankly, no more smiling, no more giggling, just the most painfully solemn and serious stare. I walked over to him and he didn't even look me in the eyes. He did not hear me...He heard something painful in his past through the tone of voice that I used. I tried to talk to him, apologize, and figure out what happened through my broken Spanish but it was no use. Talk about failure. I had been that very thing that we were trying to take these kids away from. Unintentionally for sure, but I knew going into this that there would be kids like this and I messed up. This happened this past Friday and my relationship with him is going better now, but is still taking time. I'm so glad I burnt that pasta when I did because if I hadn't learned my lesson then with that small trivial matter, I would've been absolutely wrecked if I had to learn my lesson of failure with this scenario.

There isn't really a complete resolution to this story yet. This happened about 3-4 days ago as of this publication date. I want whoever is reading this to know that mistakes will always happen. You will fail. Whether you are a student missionary or working from home, it will happen sooner or later. But whether that failure remains a failure or becomes an opportunity for growth all depends on attitude. I could just tell myself I'm a failure, or I could pick myself up and keep loving with the love that God shows me. Yeah failure sucks, but that's life. Fail, learn, keep going, keep loving.

Few more things...

There are countless stories I could go in-depth on but I just kinda want to list off a few of my favorite moments and kinda talk about how things have been going with Spanish and stuff. This next section might be a bit random.

One of my favorite things to do is play marbles with the boys, especially when the younger boys trash-talk with me and I win the game.

Waking up in the morning and doing devotionals is also so great because of the beautiful songs that I hear the birds sing and the mountains in the distance. I usually always try to start my devotions just before the boys wake up so they can see that I start the day with God. It is hard to really explain that to them right now, but just showing them that it is cool to take God seriously is a big priority of mine. I especially love it when they come over and ask me where I am at on the page and read along with me (In my bilingual Bible).

I love playing music for the boys on the speaker and hearing them all belt the song out together.

I have learned soooooooooo much Spanish and still have sooooooooo much more to learn. It can sometimes be very discouraging for me when I look ahead at all the Spanish I need to know that I forget to look back on the progress that I've made. Some days I feel like I learn a lot, other days I feel like I learned nothing. But ultimately, I'm progressing which is super encouraging.

Another thing I also learned is that being a houseparent isn't really like being a camp counselor at all. I thought that I would just be doing summer camp for 8 months, but I was wrong. The biggest difference between summer camp and house parenting was that it was ok for me to not always have my eyes on the kids all the time. If I did, I would lose energy completely in 30 minutes. Obviously, I want to know what the boys are doing and where they are at and check on them, but I can't constantly have them in my eyesight like I do at camp. It's just impossible. So I've been learning how to change that mindset.

Thank you for reading this far. I hope you found this encouraging. One more final moment I want to share with you is that on one of the first days, the boys asked to see my bible in my hand and they wanted to know my favorite verse. This is what I shared...

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:38-39

- Jayden Cushing