Guerreros Rotos

September 10, 2024

Guerreros Rotos

This is my third week now here at Familia Feliz and oh boy oh boy a lot has happened. I keep talking with the other SM's about how it feels like I've been here for 3 months and not 3 weeks. The amount of crazy moments and learning that takes place is nothing like anything I've ever experienced. Throughout these three weeks and especially this past week I've really been able to get to know the boys more and more and let me tell you it has been one of the greatest honors of my life. These boys are so hilarious and fill my heart with joy every single day. From the very moment I got here and stepped foot into the house of the "Guerroros" they were joking around with me and laughing. This week one of the boys, Leo, found out that I played the trumpet and he was begging me to play it in the morning for the boys to wake them up as a joke. So I decided to play my trumpet in the morning to wake them up and it did not disappoint. The boys were jumping out of their beds and one even gave me a salute. They were so intrigued by my trumpet and immediately wanted to play it. I knew that this would happen so I brought an extra mouthpiece and they absolutely loved it. The boys even asked me if I could wake them up every morning with the trumpet. I've just loved getting to see the enormous personality of these boys.

One of the struggles that I've had where at Familia Feliz is actually adjusting to the way that things are run in the house of the "Guerreros de Dios". Matthew has been here three weeks longer than I have and has developed a sort of expectation for the boys and a set of rules that I didn't really know when I first got here. So it was super easy for me to just sit back and not really take charge as I was still learning. I'm going to be honest, it was extremely discouraging. I felt like I wasn't really doing anything and when I would try and do something, it always seemed like it wasn't the right decision for the house. I kept living in fear that the decisions I would make, would never be good for the house and the boys according to what Matthew has built up. Eventually, it got to the point where I had to talk to Matthew and let him know kinda how I was feeling. What he said to me was so impactful. It was something along the lines of "You don't have to parent the same way that I do."

It was silly of me to think that I needed to parent the way that Matthew did. God has made me uniquely me and called me here to Familia Feliz to be myself, not someone else. With the weight lifted off my chest, I've learned so much about these boys because of it. The relationships that I have with them now are so much stronger and progressing in a way that I never could've imagined, yet I still know very little about them.

Matthew has his day off on Thursdays and that is when I need to parent the house all by myself. Those are the days I learn the most, especially this past Thursday. I feel like I finally am getting a little grasp on how things are run here at Familia Feliz and in the Guerreros. This past Thursday, pathfinders got moved to Thursday so all the boys except the four younger ones were gone from the house for two hours. One of the younger boys named Otto is six years old and he has been the hardest kid for me to read. He really doesn't use words that much, especially when he is upset. He really doesn't listen super well on occasion and it has been difficult for me to figure out what to do. I was kinda just trying to parent him with the knowledge I've learned in the past with camp. But I learned a very important lesson that might seem very obvious. Not every kid is the same. There are basic bits of general knowledge that help a bit, but you have to figure out the kid and how to parent them as you go. One of the most important lessons my dad always taught me was, "The way to be successful in life is to build relationships."

Because of the language barrier, I was kinda trying to parent these boys without truly trying to get to know them. But the language is an excuse. This past Thursday, I spent a lot of time with Otto, and instead of my only relationship with him being me telling him what to do, I tried to talk to him. He really doesn't say too much, but I had a basic conversation with them. I stopped letting the language be an excuse. Now, I know Otto just a little bit better and kinda how he thinks. He is also more trusting of me because I chose to talk with him and build a relationship with him. I've realized that even if I can just ask where he is from what he likes to do or what is his favorite color, it really means a lot. So I tried that with the older boys.

I started this blog saying how funny and goofy these boys are and how much fun they are to be around, how they always make me smile and laugh. But as I've started to get the hang of things around here and am not focusing solely on figuring out life here at Familia Feliz, I've started to notice more of the behaviors of the boys. Each and every day, the lives of these boys get more and more real to me. One day I noticed that one of the older boys was feeling down, so instead of sitting back and letting Matthew take care of it or being afraid to speak in Spanish, I decided to talk to him. Also, I just want to let you know that this is the boy from my last blog post, Ernesto, who I raised my voice at. Eventually, I asked him why he was sad and he told me that he was sad for his family, specifically his mom. I asked him about his dad and he just shook his head. A few days later I was just talking to him a little more about his family casually and he told me more about his family and the poor relationships that he had. Another boy who was nearby said to me that all the boys in the Guerroros don't like their parents. I asked him, "You as well?". He just nodded his head yes.

These are the boys who slip and slide on the floors to mop, who laugh and joke all the time, and who seem to be smiling 24/7. They put on a facade every day, masking the pain and lack of peace in their hearts. I saw that so clearly Sunday night.

Matthew and I found out that one of our boys did something that was extremely disobedient. I don't really think it is important to share what he did, but I will say I've never fully understood the saying, "I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed” until then. There is some truth to that statement in the situation that I was in. I wasn't angry at this boy, I was disappointed. But I was angry at something else. I was angry at the fact that this boy has grown up his whole life truly lacking the knowledge of the love that God has for him. I'm angry that his heart is driven to the point of unrest where he makes bad decisions for himself. I'm angry that all of my boys lack peace. This all boils down to the fact that I'm angry at sin. I was genuinely so mad because sin was breaking these boys. Sin has caused them to have to live a life of neglect and they have to deal with it. It has caused them to live with a feeling that they can't be loved. It is because of sin that they are broken and I've never seen that more clearly than last Sunday night when our boy made that decision. Now I saw that they weren't happy all the time. They really are "guerreros rotos" (broken warriors). They are fighting a battle behind the scenes so great, it is impossible to win on their own. But they still try and fail just like all of us. They silently fight behind a mask of happiness and Joy. But they do not have peace. They don't just need regular peace. They need the peace that surpasses all understanding and I saw that so clearly. His bad decision was a cry for help and a clear indication that he is in the thick of it, battling the pain of his past. I had no clue, and still have no clue what to do. How do I show this boy that what he did was wrong and that he should never do it again, while also showing him that he is loved and that he doesn't have to be that kind of person? But through what I have learned so far in my time here the only thing that I really can do is pray. Pray that God's love shows through me and this boy somehow finds out his true worth. I prayed to God the most earnest prayer of my life and made a promise. "I am going to commit all of my time here with the main goal of giving these boys the best chance to make a decision for Christ or not. If I actually see that happen, amazing. But if not, I will know that I helped them get one step closer to that decision. Help me reach that goal, God."

I love these boys. I love them more than I could've ever imagined. This week one of the boys put his arm around both Matthew and me and looked at both of us individually and said, "Tu eres me padre". These are my kids. I hate to see them broken. That's why I will do everything that I can, through surrender to God, to raise them to live up to the name of our house: "Guerreros de Dios".

"You are my King, O God; Command victories for Jacob. Through you we will push down our enemies; Through Your name, we will trample those who rise up against us. For I will not trust in my bow, Nor shall my sword save me. But you have saved us from our enemies, and have put to shame those who hated us. In God we boast all day long, and praise Your name forever."

Psalms 44:4-8

- Jayden Cushing