The Biggest Blessing
Another week at Familia Feliz is complete. I must say, time feels like it goes faster and faster every single week that I'm here. This past week feels like such a blur and was probably one of the toughest weeks I've had yet. But yet, there are always moments that make me realize that I have been blessed with the most incredible opportunity to be a father to these boys at Familia Feliz.
Also just a short sidenote, I absolutely love writing these blogs, and thank you to whoever is reading this. I originally mainly wanted to write this blog just to have the memories written down and track my progress throughout my time here. But I also want to focus more on sharing with whoever reads this about what goes through my mind during the experiences that I have as a student missionary and maybe you can take some of my experiences to help you with whatever you are going through now, whether you are going to be a SM at Familia Feliz or somewhere else abroad serving or maybe in the United States.
What made this week such a big challenge was the fact that there wasn't a single day where all of the kids went to school. There have been some fires in the area and it has caused a lot of smoke so school in the area was very limited for health concerns. What that meant for the houseparents was that there would be no breaks from the kids and we would be with them 24/7 for 7 days (or possibly longer if school was canceled for another week). If you read my last post, I hope that you were able to tell me how much I really love these boys and you may be wondering to yourself, "If you really love these boys so much, why would you not want to spend 24/7 with them?" Well, I really do like spending as much time with them as possible. Getting to be their parent has been the greatest honor of my life. However, this week I lost patience way more than I would've liked to. I don't want time away from the boys because I don't want to be around them, I just think that I become a person that doesn't truly embody patience when I'm pushed like I was this past week (definitely something I've been praying about). I don't want the boys to see that kind of person because I feel like it isn't a good representation of how I want them to act. And they notice when you lose patience for sure.
It was another Thursday, Matthew's day off, and Thursdays are particularly busy because those are the days that we get all of our rations for the next week. For me, it is stressful getting all the boys to leave the house to pick up all the supplies, especially when the supplies are at the girls' house. With that, surprise pathfinder things, and just exhaustion from being around the boys for so long without a break, I was pushed to a breaking point. Instead of smiling and laughing with the boys, I found myself being short and barking orders. In all honesty, I didn't embody the love that Christ has shown me which is the main goal I have here at Familia Feliz. Near the end of the day, one of the boys came up to me and asked me if I was okay. He said, today you always look like this (then he made a sad/angry face). That was a wake-up call. I had lost my patience to the point that it was noticeable to the boys. They were starting to see a picture I didn't want them to see. Yet again I messed up. At that moment, I didn't know what to really do. I just kinda said I was fine and that I was just tired, but in reality, I didn't take the opportunity to show them that I was imperfect and that I messed up. I knew that I was going to make mistakes. I learned that from day one. Instead, I came up with an excuse. My goal in this blog is to be very honest with you guys because it is helpful for me and hopefully helpful for you, especially if you are going to SM here/are and SM here. So in all honesty I'm realizing this right now as I'm writing this that I missed that opportunity. I could've shown them that I'm imperfect by apologizing and telling them that the way I acted was not acceptable. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I look at the work here at Familia Feliz from a "birds-eye view" for a moment and see that it is really tough. It might be fair that I lose my patience. But I also see how important this job is. I want to be the absolute best role model I can be through God to show them the clearest picture of Christ. That is the most important job one can have. That's why I take this so seriously. So now that I've literally just now learned my lesson, I want to talk to the boys and tell them that I'm sorry for the way I acted and that I messed up. This is extremely important to remember (especially here at Familia Feliz) you will mess up. It is inevitable. It is just a matter of whether you choose to live in the lie of covering it up to preserve an image, or you own up to your mistakes. That is the biggest lesson I've learned this week (and right now as I write). Owning up to your mistakes is a way more impactful picture than pretending to be perfect.
Now I want to take some time to talk about some of the most fun moments of this week. First I just have to start off by talking about a kid who I've really bonded with. I also want to say I don't have favorites. Really, I don't. But I have been blessed to really get close to our youngest boy, Leonardo. He's got the biggest personality and has the most contagious laugh I've ever heard. He never ceases to make me smile. Recently all the younger boys have got it set in their minds that I'm a human jungle gym, especially Leonardo. He will run up to me and say, "tus hombros, tus hombros!" (You're shoulders, You're shoulders!). He loves climbing on my shoulders and being held upside down. But after a while, it can be quite taxing and honestly, I've got back pain now from all the kids who jump on my back. There was one night in particular when I had a very bad headache and Leonardo was trying to get on my shoulders I told him that I had a bad headache so he stopped. After that other boys tried to jump on my back and he said, "No, stop. Teacher Jayden doesn't feel too well." It was such a small moment but it was so impactful to me and really made me feel like he cared about me.
Last week on Tuesday, the boys cleaned out the attic in our house and found a plethora of random items. They found graduation gowns that became ninja suits, a snorkel that they used in the sink, and a flashlight power bank thing that had like a disco mode on it. I really don't know how to describe it, but I'll try to include a picture. Anyway, one night they got back from a Pathfinder outing and brought out the light. They turned out all the lights and they said, "Teacher, music!" we played music on the speaker and they went absolutely crazy, dancing and having a blast. I mentioned earlier that there are moments when I just lose my patience, especially when they don't have school, but it is moments like this where I have memories and moments of bonding that I will never forget.
The creativity of these boys has also been such a joy to see. One day they needed some styrofoam for a homework assignment for school. So I went to the shed and we got some styrofoam. After they had used the amount they needed for their, assignment, a lot of the boys started to carve out shapes of guns in the styrofoam and create little styrofoam pistols. They also attached their flashlights to them using some electrical type. Then they invented their own form of laser tag. They would run around at night and when they saw someone they would turn off the flashlight and yell something like "Bang, Bang, Bang". It was just so interesting to see the games that they could create and how they could have so much fun with just the most simple things.
Despite this week being so challenging, the greatest moment of my time here happened this past. There is a boy in our house named Harold and he is just one of the funniest boys in the house. I've really gotten to know him well over the past week and boy has it been fun. The older boys were out on a Pathfinder outing and Matthew and I stayed back to cook and watch the little ones. While we were back at home, Matthew and I got a video and I have never felt more proud of anyone in my life. It was a video of Harold getting baptized. I was so disappointed I couldn't be there, but the moment when he got back was just the peak moment of my time here. Matthew and I heard the truck pulling up to the house so we went to stand outside and wait for the boys. One by one they came back and then we saw Harold. We shouted his name and he sprinted towards us and yelled, "Father!!!" and gave both Matthew and me the biggest hug. Before he got back, I looked up how to say, "I'm so proud of you" in Spanish and was able to let him know. But no words can describe the joy of seeing your boy make the decision for Jesus.
Each and every day that I have here is a blessing, whether I am struggling or not. I'm writing that to remember for myself because that is the absolute truth. The work that I have been blessed with has been difficult for sure, especially this week. But it truly is the most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life. I can't out-give what God has given me. The more that I give the more that God gives and it truly has been life-changing. The biggest blessing that I have ever received is being a parent to these boys. This is my fourth week here at FF and I just can't imagine the stories I'll have to tell and the lessons that I will have learned at the end of these 8 months. I've really been taking this week to think about how important my work is here at FF. Especially after losing my patience, I have been praying that God speaks and works through me more so than ever. Honestly, I've been a little guilty about wanting to be in control and it gets in the way of me being able to give. I am tasked with the work of building these boys up to be warriors for God and sometimes I lose sight of truly how important that is. But I read something in my devotional this week that really helped me out and I just wanted to share it with you as I close out this blog post. Just a tiny bit of context Paul is talking about building up other people.
If anyone’s work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire. Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are.
1 Corinthians 3:14-16
- Jayden Cushing
(Also, I do not have a photo of the flashlight thing so sorry)
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